Monkey Tails: A Collection of Short Stories
by Astro Latte
Summary: Short stories, vignettes and drabbles of silly situations and awkward occurrences. New chapters added at my leisure.
1. Deceit

**Deceit **

"Not on your life!"

"Please, Bulma, it's just one little kiss!"

"Absolutely not!" the blue haired beauty screamed. "I'm already with Vegeta, if you haven't noticed, and I doubt he'll be very happy if I go around kissing some weird old Kai guy!"

"But Bulma," Goku begged as he followed her around the large Capsule Corp. mansion. "He helped us so much with our fight against Buu. He trained Gohan and even gave me his life!"

"He's dead too?" she gave him a look of complete disbelief. "Are you out of your skull? I don't even know what a Kai is for God sakes!"

"I told you before," he explained, growing exasperated from her stubbornness. Goku followed her all the way to the kitchen, where she finally stopped. "They're like the gods of the Other World and they're very powerful."

"If he's from the Other World, than he should just stay there for good!"

Goku heard a door slide open from behind him and saw that Vegeta had made his way to the kitchen as well. He felt his heart began to pound quickly in his chest, knowing full well what was about to go down.

"Kakarot?" he asked. "What are you doing?"

"N-nothing, Vegeta," Goku stammered. "Bulma and I are just discussion something."

"Discussing my ass," she screamed, and turned to Vegeta. "Are you aware of what your partner in crime has done?"

"It better not be what I think it is," he said, sending a nasty glare his rival's way.

"Wait," Bulma said, taken aback. "Don't tell me you knew about the kiss before me."

"I knew it!" he yelled as he threw a punch at Goku who had managed barely dodge the attack. The next one, however, he was not as lucky and saw stars as the smaller man got him right in the jaw. Within seconds the Saiyan Prince had managed to trap him in a headlock.

"Easy now, Vegeta," Bulma scolded. "Don't kill him."

"I thought this little bargain of yours was done with," Vegeta hissed, completely ignoring Bulma. "What are you pulling?"

"Let me go and I'll explain," Goku gasped and was soon released. "Well, remember how the dead get one day visit on earth? Well, apparently that rule is the same if you're a Kai as well. So, guess who came to visit me asking for his reward?"

Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, "You've got to be kidding me."

"I wish I were," the taller man sighed and buried his head in his hands. "He's sitting at my house right now as we speak. I thought Chichi was going to have an aneurysm, but the guy just won't go until he gets his kiss."

"Well he's not getting it," Vegeta huffed, crossing his arms. "There is no way a leachy old pervert is laying a hand on my woman!"

"You know, it doesn't have to be me who gives this guy the kiss," Bulma said with a grin. "Just someone who looks like me."

Goku raised his head from his hands, "But who do we know who looks exactly like you?"

The woman's grin widened and he finally realized what she meant, "Bulma you're a genius!"

"Wait," Vegeta interrupted, hating being left out of something. "What's going on?"

"Of course I am," Bulma laughed, ignoring Vegeta. "But come on, I want to get this over with."

With a nod, Goku grabbed her arm and teleported them out of sight.

"Ugh," Vegeta grunted in annoyance. "I hate it when he does that!"

A few hours later, Goku returned home to see that the Elder Kai was still sitting on his sofa. He saw that Chichi was taking a much longer sip from her tea than needed, Gohan was visibly awkward and that the only one who was actually talking to the old Kai was Goten

"So, is that why you're purple?" the boy asked from his seat on the floor. "Then why do you have that silly mustache on your lip?"

"Silly?" the old man frowned. "My boy, this mustache is the best thing since bubble gum and canned beer!"

"Is it really?" Goten asked and then looked up at his mother. "Mom, can I have a mustache too?"

His question was left unanswered, since at the precise moment Gohan noticed his father's arrival.

"Dad's back!" the teen announced, more than a little relived. He nodded to the door "Did you get...um...what you needed to get?"

"Sure did," Goku laughed nervously. "Um, Old Kai, I'm gonna need to step outside for a second. We can't...um...finish the transaction inside."

The Elder Kai nodded and slowly stepped outside. Goku followed quickly, barely missing Chichi's emotional breakdown.

"So?" the old man asked, looking around for the beauty he had been promised. "Where is she?"

Suddenly, Bulma slowly made her way from the back of the house and in front of the Old Kai. The Old man screamed in surprise, and began to drool.

"My dear, you're even prettier than your picture. Have you ever considered modeling?"

"Now nothing fancy, Old man," Goku warned. "She needs to get back home soon, so make it quick."

"No way," The Kai made a noise, "I have all day. I'm making this count!"

"What?!"

The Old Kai grinned and began to caress the woman's face, Bulma giggled, and the old man grinned wider. Goku felt the sudden need to gag.

"Ah, yes," he cooed. "You're much more beautiful than that old maid inside!"

"Old man," Goku growled. "Can you please hurry this up?"

"Oh fine," he sighed, and grabbed hold of Bulma's waist. "Alright baby, pucker up!"

The two slowly leaned in and preformed the most awkward peck kiss Goku had ever had the misfortune to see. Suddenly, there was a pop. The Old Kai opened his eyes to realize that he was no longer holding and kissing a beautiful, blue-haired woman, but a pig wearing suspenders. He threw poor Oolong onto the ground in a complete rage.

"ACK," The Old Kai screamed, as he spat onto the grass. "You tricked me!"

"I did not!" Goku fought. "You got your kiss, so now we're even!"

"But, you never said it was a pig!"

"Well, you never asked!"


	2. Prophecy

**Prophecy**

She ran outside, calling his name so frantically that he thought he was in trouble. Bracing himself for another tongue lashing, he asked her what was the matter.

"This," she said, happily handing him a piece of paper. "It's Gohan's handwriting lesson from today."

He looked at the paper and noted his son's poorly scribbled letters, and nearly illegible words.

"Don't you know what this means?" she asked, a little too excited.

"That his handwriting may just be worse than mine?"

"No," Chichi sighed, with stars in her eyes. "That our little Gohan is going to doctor!"


	3. Intellectual

**Intellectual**

Every girl had that certain turn-on that made her crazy for a guy.

For some, it was the color of his hair, or the way he smiled. For others, it was the way he dressed or the accent his had. The most popular one was, of course, perfect bodies with rippling mussels and rock hard abs.

She, on the other hand, knew the secret behind those types of guys. There was only one thing that was bigger than their biceps, and it was their egos.

She was different, though, she had a thing for brains.

Sitting on the floor in his bedroom, she watched attentively as he buried his nose in his books. It made her sigh in girlish admiration. With every page he turned, she felt a blush creep onto her face.

Feeling himself being watched, Gohan turned and saw her practically swooning on the floor.

"Videl," he asked. "Are you alright?"

"I love you," she sighed, without thinking.

"You have got to be kidding," He screamed, pointing to his textbook. "How can you find _this_ attractive?!"


	4. Rebellious

**Rebellious**

"Come on, honey," he smiled at from his seat on their bed. "You can't say you don't find it a little cool."

"No," she answered from the other side of the bedroom. Standing in front of their full-length mirror as she brushed her hair. "Actually, I don't."

"Not even a little," he wiggled his now blonde eyebrows. "You know..."

"No!" She blushed, and began brushing her hair with more force than necessary.

"But how come?" he whined and pouted like the child he was.

Chichi sighed, and placed her brush on the vanity. She made her way to his perch on their bed and sat next to him.

"Because," she said, flicking Goku on his forehead. "You look like a punk."


	5. Interception

**Interception**

After months of fighting with himself, he was finally going to go through with it. He was going to ask her on a date.

Thinking back to all the aliens, androids, magical creatures and other various evil doers he had faced in his life, something like this should be a snap. Aside from the rejection, the awkwardness, the lost of friendship, and the inevitable massive blow to his already low self esteem, what was the worst that could happen?

He was a clever boy, and decided that if he was going to go through with this he was going to make it worth while. Sure she wasn't the type to be wooed by flowers and chocolates, but he figured by at least making an effort it would make her feel too guilty to not say yes. He had many elaborate plans churning in his head, but he figured the simplest choice was always the best choice.

During class, after giving himself a major pep talk, he decided to bite the bullet. Reaching into his notebook, he ripped out a small piece of lined paper, and wrote her a small note. He folded the paper into a small triangle and aimed it in her direction. Knowing that there was nothing less romantic than being pelted with a flying projectile, he flicked the paper as gently as he could.

Across the long table, the paper flew carelessly and he felt himself growing excited. He found his plan fool proof, and couldn't think of anyway that something this simple could possibly go wrong.

The best laid plans of men often go wrong, however, and at that precise moment Erasa choose to raise her hand to scratch the tip of her nose. Feeling his heart fall into to his stomach, Gohan watched helplessly as the tiny piece of paper hit her hand. The blonde picked up the note, and read. Just when Gohan couldn't think it could possibly get any worse, Videl turned to her left and read the note over Erasa's shoulder. After a few seconds, the blue eyed girl sent him the most confused and hurt glance he had ever witnessed.

The poor boy prayed to whatever God there was that the floor would just swallow him whole. He closed his eyes, and hoped that the blonde next to him would just hide the letter and never mention it again. He felt a light tap on his shoulder, and couldn't help but turn and see Erasa staring at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I think you're a great guy, but I just don't think of you that way."

Gohan could only stare; he didn't even trust his own voice at that point.

"Although I have to say I'm surprised, " the blonde continued as she fiddled with the paper between her fingers. "I mean, I always figured you had a thing for Videl."


	6. Disgruntle

**Disgruntle **

"Oxford!"

"No!"

The father daughter standoff had been going on the entire afternoon, and all Gohan could do was watch. The Ox King once again turned to his handy dandy, twenty foot list of possible names. Gohan could only wonder how he thought of so many name derivatives from the word Ox.

"Oxy Jr.?"

"No!"

Before he could check another one, Chichi had charged at her father's list, grabbed it from his hold, and threw it out of the window. She crossed her arms and smiled victoriously.

"C'mon Chichi," he father begged. "You promised me that since Gohan was named after Goku's Grandfather, you would named your second born son after me!"

"But Grandpa," Gohan chimed in looking over the crib at his younger brother, "He doesn't even look like an Ox."

"Names grow when you grow," the Ox King bellowed. "Of course it doesn't seem right yet, he's still a baby! He hasn't even gotten the chance to go up to someone and say, 'I am Oxford!'"

"And he wont get that chance, Dad," Chichi fought. "Because then he'll be teased for the rest of his life!"

Silence devoured the three of them once again, the only sounds coming were from the baby's quiet cooing. Sighing exasperatedly, Chichi began to rush around the room tidying up after Gohan's studying. She came across a small, white textbook with the name "Son Goten" printed on the cover.

"Gohan," she asked, curiosity. "What's this?"

"Oh, that?" Gohan said offhandedly as he began to play with his younger brother. "That's just the one of the textbooks they sent me. They got my name wrong though, but I figured it didn't matter."

Running her hand across the cover of the book, Chichi let the misnomer sink into her head.

"His name is Goten." she decided and left the room to start on dinner.

The Ox King was about to get up and continue the fight once more before he was stopped by Gohan.

"Let it go Grandpa, Mom always listens to textbooks before anyone else."


	7. Kryptonite

**Kryptonite**

There was nothing more comfortable to her than his bed. Maybe it was the fabric softener his mother used, or the fact that it smelled like him. Either way, she couldn't put her finger on it, but this was the only bed that made her feel safe, even if he wasn't sharing it with her.

Across the room he sat diligently at his desk working hard on the essay that she had so easily discarded on his bedroom floor. Switching his attention back and forth between his paper and a large opened book, he would often squint his eyes or move the book in some way. She watched him lazily from his nearly too comfortable bed, and took note of the certain habit that had been bothering her since the day they met.

"Why do you do that?" she asked.

With a jerk, he turned his head and faced her, "Do what?"

"That weird squinting thing you'll do whenever you read. After you squint, you'll pull the book really far away from your face, then bring it closer, and then you'll move it away again."

"I don't do that."

"Yes you do, I see you do it all the time."

His cheeks reddened and he turned away from her. She knew he was trying to avoid the question. Crawling to the edge of the bed , she eyed him curiously.

"Maybe," she offered. "You need glasses."

"I...um...already have glasses." he mumbled.

"You do? Then why don't you ever wear them?"

"They look...stupid..."

"That's not a reason to strain your eyes, and you know it. Let me see them on you and I'll tell you if they look stupid."

With a sigh he pulled out a draw in his desk, reached into its very depths, and pulled out a small, dusty, eye glass case. He opened the case and placed the glasses gingerly on his beat red face. Within seconds, she was on the floor laughing.

"I told you they looked stupid, Videl," Gohan fought as he quickly ripped off the disgusting eyeglasses. "You're the one who wanted to see me in them, now stop laughing at me!"

"I'm sorry, Gohan," she managed as her laughter subsided to girlish giggles. "It's just that...you looked just like Clark Kent!"


	8. Misnomer

**Misnomer**

She didn't ask for much, but then again that could be because she already had everything.

But then again, so did him.

While she was the princess to a major, multi-million dollar cooperation, he was a prince to an entire species. While that did dwarf her in some ways, it was no excuse why anything like this should ever happen.

She was the mother of his children for Dende sake; she could at least have control over this one thing. Especially since this was the kind of thing that was important not just to her, but to all mothers.

"Please, Bra," she found herself practically begging her daughter as she crouched in front of her highchair. "Say 'Ma-Ma', please?"

The toddler ignored her pleas, finding the plastic teething toy much more interesting.

"Come on, Bra," she said, gently taking the toy away from her and mouthing the syllables as she spoke them, "Say 'Ma-ma'."

The young girl looked at her mother, blue eyes clashing like waves. Her small lips puckered, almost in thought, as if debating whether or not she wanted to do as her mother asked. She was only a mere toddler, and yet she was already a spoiled princess. However, like her father, she was a show off.

She opened her tiny mouth slowly, and her mother watched in anticipation, waiting for the two wonderful sounds to ring in her ears.

Her hopes were quickly shattered, however when instead she got, "Wo-man."

From across the kitchen, Bulma could hear the loud chuckle of her significant other as he watched the special moment in sinister amusement. Hearing her father laugh, brought Bra to her own fit of giggles. She then began to repeat the word that brought her father so much joy and her mother so much grief.

"Wo-man! Wo-man!" the toddler giggled. "Wo-man! Wo-man!"

Bulma's shoulders shook with fury as she instantly reached for the nearest object in the kitchen – which happened to be a spatula – and chucked it at Vegeta's laughing form.

That was the last time he was ever allowed to babysit one of their children…ever.


	9. Disbelief

**Disbelief**

"I still think you're insane," Pan stated from her spot on her friends bed, flipping through an outdated teen magazine. "I don't understand why you're going through all this effort. It's only a dinner."

"That's because you barely have enough estrogen to grow breast," Bra stated quickly as she brushed her long, blue hair for the hundredth time that night. "Anyway, you're too immature to understand anything about men just yet."

Pan rolled her eyes at her friend's comment, she was only a year older than she was – with a chest just as flat at hers, for the record – and she thought she knew everything.

"Why do you think he would have any interest in you anyway?" Pan asked closing the boring magazine and watching Bra put on makeup.

"For one thing, I'm beautiful."

"Let's not forget modest,"

"I know, right?" she said rubbing her newly glossy lips together. "I'm also wealthy, stylish, our families are close, and he already has a pet name for me."

"I wasn't aware that being called 'Jailbait' was considered a form of affection, Bra."

Bra glared at her friend, and was about to retort with an equally nasty comment back when her mother's voice echoed through the house's intercom.

"Girls," Bulma's voice yelled. "What is taking you so long? Everyone is already down here!"

"In a minute Mom," Bra called, ignoring her mother's exasperated huff as she clicked off the intercom. "Geez, hasn't she ever heard of being fashionably late?"

After a few more moments of watching Bra primp up, Pan followed her out of her room and down one of the many hallways of the large home. They decided to take a shortcut to the main room, and cut through the kitchen area where they saw Trunks attempt to hold two very large plates of cookies.

"Hold on, Trunks," Pan said, instantly running over to her friend and helping him out by carrying one of the plates. "I got this one."

"Thanks Pan," Trunks said, relieved. "One of the waitresses for tonight called out, so mom wanted me to help bring some food out for everyone. I never realized how much food our families go through until I had to bring it all out to everyone."

"That's probably because it's all eaten before anyone realizes how much food there was to begin with,"

Trunks laughed and looked over to Bra who was inspecting one of her manicured nails.

"Yeah Bra, don't rush over to help us out or anything. Just stand there and look pretty, alright? Really, we wouldn't want you to break a nail carrying one of these plates."

The young girl shot a death glare to her older brother before grabbing hold of a bowl of red punch, holding it as far away from her body as possible. Her brother and friend looked at her with confusion.

"What?" she snapped, marching ahead of them towards the double doors leading to the room where their friends and family waited, "Do you know how much this outfit cost? It's too cute to have punch spill on it."

Bra made her way inside large room where everyone was sitting, talking and laughing together. However, there was one unfamiliar face in the group. Her blue eyes instantly stared at the young woman with over-volumized brown hair and squinty eyes, holding onto the arm of the man she had just spent hours in her bedroom getting ready for. The sight caused Bra to stopped dead in her tracks, punch bowl still in hand.

"Oh Bra, honey," Bulma said, noticing her daughter had finally come downstairs. "It's wonderful to see that you decided to grace the party with your presence."

Bra ignored her mother's remark, still staring down the brunette in the yellow dress. Bulma saw this and decided to introduce the woman to her daughter.

"This is Valese," Bulma explained, motioning to the brunette. "Goten's girlfriend."

The word had barely left Bulma's lips before it happened, and only those of Sayian blood were quick enough to spot the exact moment when Bra's hand released the bowl. A wave of juice poured from the bowl, drenching Valese from head to toe in the fruity refreshment.

"Oops," The Princess of all Sayians stated, practically deadpan. "My hand slipped."


End file.
